Stealing the spotlight

I have decided that this blog is going to be all about me!! I rarely ever write about me and i have decided it is about time.

I am 26 and have 2 beautiful kids..... I have never been good with choosing the right decisions for me but i think after all this time i am finally starting to get it. I am very much a i need to learn from my mistakes kinda gal and i have learnt a hell of a lot in the past 26 years!

When i was growing up it was Nick,Ez and I living with mum,we saw dad every few weeks i think(cant quite remember) I was the only one not to grow up with Dad in the house,but whenever i did see him i was so happy! We would only stay the day most of the time but when we were lucky we got to sleep over and that was huge for me!! And when we got older we all took turns at staying at dad and Gaye's through the holidays. I seemed to always luck out and always end up going through winter so i didn't get to swim or go to jamberoo.
Sometimes having mum and dad divorced was hard specially with my friends who most had the 2 parents at home but i never tried to think about it much. Mum was a stay at home mum and was always home when we got home i never really thought much bout it till Jack started school. When i was growing up i always took little things for granted but i was soooo lucky to have my brother and sister they were my rocks growing up,i looked up to both of them and was so jealous they were older then me! But being the baby did have it's benefits... i did get to do a lot of stuff that Nick and Ez had to wait to do.
I have always been sure of what i want according to mum i used to argue with my grandma about what i would wear... i HATED dressed i always loved wearing tackies and a t-shirt like my big brother. I used to wrestle outside with the dogs and play transformers with Nick, but then i would play transalvanian families and down the track barbies. I was such a tom boy i loved getting dirty and being rough!! I always used to get grounded too cause i was a brat so i pushed the limits a lot!! I look back now am would LOVE to be a kid again even for a day life was so easier although i used to think it was so hard.

My teenage years were rather bad.. I got to high school and i was a bit on the tubby side and one my "ex boyfriends" used to yell out to me "rollin rollin rollin" All i wanted to do was cry but i would always make sure if i did he could never see it. It took me a while to make new friends in my class i felt so alone and sad. I am not even sure how it happened but i started talking to an awesome girl called Naomi then we started talking With the 2 awesome girls Stacy and Alana... we always did everything together it was nice to fit in somewhere and have friends.. didn't feel so alone anymore and that high school would actually be bearable. I talked to people from primary once and a while but i was set with my friends! Year 8 came around and i was chucked into a class that i knew no-one my friends were in different classes and i was so upset. After a few weeks i actually got mum to ask if they could change my class and they did, i was in classes with Stacy but Alana and Naomi were in different classes. About half way through year 8 i got the worst news(well so i thought) Naomi was moving down the coast. At this stage Alana and Stacy had started hanging around with some other people so i was kinda back to having no-one.... i just sat by myself for a few weeks and they Kirsty started talking to me and we became close i got along really well with her boyfriend as well i still felt a bit on the outside but after a while i felt i was with the right friends. Kirsty was the one to introduce me to my very first boyfriend. His name was Shane and he lived in Shoal haven heads and i thought he was gorgeous and amazing. We would talk on the phone for ever.. both getting in trouble for racking up big phone bills and spending way too much time on the phone. He would catch a train and come visit me and stay at Kirsty's so we could spend time together. My first real kiss was with him! It was actually quite romantic other then the fact it took me like 2 hours to finally french kiss him LOL. I thought it was just awesome. We were only together for a little while and then i get a phone call of some stupid girl saying he is breaking up with me... well i was just crushed!!! To get over Shane i started going out with a guy named Leigh who was a grade above me.... that didn't last long and he was cheating on me :O .I didn't bother for a while with guys they were all poo heads in my eyes.
Year 9 rolled around and me and Kirsty were still really close we were also hanging out with the new girl Cheree who came along with a bunch of guys and a girl called Jess. Me and Jess hated each other when we first met but for some reason all of a sudden we were best friends. This is around the time i really started acting out! Was waging and started smoking(not for long though) drinking and just being stupid really. We all kinda rotated who we dated but unlike the others i was still quite shy and barely kissed. The guys in the group i got pretty close with most of them specially Paul i was "in love" but he never felt the same way,but i was just happy to have him in my life. I kept getting in trouble so mum changed my school to get me away from them which i understand why more so now then back then. I was horrible to my mum at this point i wish i hadn't of been such a brat and actually given mum and Peter a break!I look back and think you stupid girl!! i had done a few things at this point that i really had regretted . I hated my new school i only knew a few people from primary and didn't really know any of them that well. I regret the group i decided to hang around with i really wish i had chosen different then the last bit of high school i might not have loath so much. The one good thing about the school was i got to work on my singing i loved it!! Singing for a few classes a week was the best! I lasted till the end of year 10 and then i was out of there.. couldn't have gotten out sooner in my eyes.
By the end of year 10 i had dated a few older guys... Greg in Qld which when you are 15 long distance is doable! But then i met Jess who i thought was just wonderful but he broke up with me for a chick in Canberra that just devastated me, I then dated his best friend Scott who was such a lovely guy.Then Jeff again but he then kissed my best friend Amanda so i ended it.... that afternoon Grant asked me out.
Grant and I were like 2 peas in a pod for so long.... he really was my first love,he was my one(or so i thought at the time) We had so much fun together and fell in love. We would have sleep overs and hangout on weekends when he wasn't working. For the first year it was great but then he started to change and in a really bad way!! So i broke it off after he forgot about V'day and was a real ass about it. I went months without speaking to him and really just tried to move on. I finally got a job at Go-Lo and was making some money and having fun with my friends. After i think about 3 months i found out that his Ex and my ex friend Amanda and hi had been hanging out and with that i realised i still loved him so i wanted him back that didn't last long cause he was still not the guy i fell in love with! Another 3-4 months went on and i went to see Greg for his 21st birthday and we were gunna try maybe giving it another go with me being older and what not. But the moment i kissed him i realised i still wanted Grant(i know silly girl). When i got back home i messaged him and it turns out Amanda and him were talking and possibly getting back together but i asked him to come over and we decided one more try...... this was in Oct, a few days after Christmas i was pregnant with Jack and finding out. I have never been sooooo scared in my life. How the hell was i going to tell my parents, how were we going to tell his parents who i hasn't seen in well over 6 months! We talked it over a LOT and we decided we were going to keep the baby. A few months before Jack was born he moved in with me to Mums.Jack was born and he was so good with Jack better then me with all my baby issues, after about 3 months we moved out to our own place near my mums place. Things were good for a while but started getting bad and just got worse when he lost his job!! That is when it all went down hill and i had to make a huge and devastating decision to leave him cause i was no longer happy. I still loved him so much but it just wasn't going to work and he proved that time and time again over the past 8 years!! It took me years to get over him but i did get there and the moment i did i felt like a weight had been lifted the moment it happened.

Ok i am going to leave it there i think this blog is big enough... will write some more tomorrow xoxo