I have decided it is time i talk about my journey with my mini man....
So i was 17 almost 18 when i found out i was pregnant with Jack. Grant and I had decided we wanted to keep the baby and start our family.The day i found out went like this....I hadn't been feeling well since boxing day but just figured i had eaten to much over christmas, i tried to ignore it for a few days but enough was enough.I took the day off work as did Grant and i was picked up by Ez and Ezz and the drove me to a medical center but the wait for like 3 hours i really didn't want to wait. So we weighed up whether to stay or not,so they asked the question i had been waiting for... "are you pregnant?" i said maybe but doubtful so we decided we should leave get a pregnancy test and head back to their place.We got back i peed on a stikc and just talked while we waited 3 mins,I went to check picked it up looked shook my head walked out to the instructions read them then ran back to the toilet and yelled "Oh crap". Ez and ezz sarted screaming stuff out no idea what...i walked back out in the lounge room and announced i am pregnant,well the looks on their faces i will never forget them.Pretty sure mine was the same.Poor Ezz went white and quite as a ghost and my sister just started saying thins(again no idea what).I went home after some crying and talking and i had to face Grant.. I had to tell him how the hell was i going to tell him. Thankfully mum wasn't home at the time i walked in he hugged me and asked me who it went,well i just started balling and blurted out "I'm pregnant" he laughed hugged me and calmed me down then we talked about what we were going to do. I was sooooooo sick with Jack i threw up most of the day was tired and found it hard to get through some days. My parents had a hard time dealing that i was having a bay and hey who can blame them i was a teenager. I was suggested to go talk to someone about the whole thing so i went down to The Warehouse and spoke to someone down there and they then referred me to a midwife that did weekly visits there to see her patients who were pregnant and under 21. She was lovely had the first official visit with her and then booked me in to get an ultra sound to find out how far along i was and to check everything was fine. I still remember going to my first ultra sound i was so nervous i had never been to one so didn't know what to expect. Honestly i cant remember who was with me i think maybe my sister,Ezz or Grant... either way all i remember is the moment they put his tiny little jelly bean looking pic up i just fell in love!That was my baby....
After about 13 weeks the all-day-sickness started to subside and i started getting a bit more energy back and this is around the time my size 10 stomach started to grow. Every week was a different craving and by the end of the week i was over that food cause i would just through it up at some point.For about 5-6 years i couldn't look at sausage rolls LOL.I would have my monthly check up with my midwife and everything was going fine she booked me in to get my 12 week scan done and get the special test done cant remember it's name right now). I loved seeing my peanut again he was moving a lot by this stage and looked more baby like hehe i was amazed i couldn't take my eyes off him! At this stage i was starting to get really bad headaches and a sore neck so i was referred to a physio. It was so painful but helped worst thing was that my neck would only stay in place for a while cause the moment i got bigger it would get worse :(.
Things were going rather smoothly wasn't sick anymore could eat what i wanted and just bum around as work didn't want me anymore,more just waited around till i had my BIG ultrasound at 18 weeks i was so excited. We had decided we weren't going to find out the sex and just leave it as a surprise....Which come my ultra sound there was no way we were going to find out anyways all he could do was shake his ass! He was being such a little trouble maker wouldn't move for the guy to see his heart and one of his lungs. I was busting to go to the toilet and because he was trying to see what he needed to see was a bit longer.. then he said the best words ever i almost kissed him! I was allowed to pee and have some sugar try and get him to move. We went for a walk i peed and got some chocolate went back and the little bugger had barely moved! But we kept trying and he finally moved enough to see it all,all was good with my baby i was relieved.
Now it was wait till i had bubs!! As i got bigger my neck and hips were quite painful... the neck was bearable but the bigger i got the more i found ti hard to walk or even move plus i ended up getting carpel tunnel. I was turning into the huge whale that would waddle and had bung hands but i loved it all was all so worth it!
Right near the end he started slowing down but still managed to get his feet caught in my ribs and OMFG that is painful!! But i loved the kicks and punches and the rolling... watching my stomach look like an alien was about to jump out of it. I did have trouble sleeping between the needing to pee and not being able to get comfy,plus middle of winter i was stinking hot. Poor Grant was under about 4 blankets and i had the window and the fan on and i was still hot!!
I was really starting to be over being pregnant with not being able to walk.I had braxton hicks one night they were not pleasant hurt like a mofo.. or so i thought they were. I had an appointment with my midwife she checked me out and everything else i was in pre-labour and what i had was actual contractions!This was a few days before my due ate i was being told left right and center oh you will go any day now,early bubs and ect. MY ASS early!!! Got to my due date and nothing...so i tried to keep myself busy a few days passed and nothing that was it i am gunna bring this child on. I went for a long walk as painful as it was,Ez took me on a bumpy crazy drive,had some hot food,hot bath i was so close to making grant have sex with me LOL. So it came to the 30th August and i was getting upset,Grant had a lan that day so i was stuck at home on my own. I was a bit worried i hadn't felt bubs move in a while so mum took me to the hospital i was freaking out a little. They monitored me for a few hours said bubs was fine and that i could go home,i was having small contractions the whole time but nothing i could really notice. Went home had a shower chucked on spider man to watch and next thing i know i am waking up to the end of the credits... i was gobsmacked i had slept a full 3 hours with no interruptions.I actually felt ok for once,Then i tried to eat dinner but wasn't fussed.... about 8 i started having a few pains so mum gave me a hot water bottle and i crawled into bed with it... time went on and the pains got worse.... Got to about 11 and i was in agony i was in tears and just wanted the pain to stop..i went and woke mum up and she decided it was time to go to the hospital. I got some stuff ready and rung Grant to tell him we were picking him up(someone wasn't very happy about that plane). I rung my sister and Ezz and told them what was happening.They meet us at the hospital,i was hooked up to the machine again but i was told i was barely in labour but the pain was telling em other wise.I felt everything in my hips it was horrid!!! Mum and peter went home to get some sleep and my lovely sister and beautiful best friend Ezz stayed at the hospital with me Grant was there but was sleeping... they girls were talking to me trying to get my mind off it Ez even asked if i could sit cause laying hurt just too much..... Poor Ez had been up all night and most of the day she had been at work and had to go back to work as there was no one to cover her shift! I think it was around 6 in the morning they moved me into an actual labour suite,chucked me on the inducing drug to try and get it completely happening,the contractions were so erratic didn't know when the next one was coming it was really scarey,they broke my waters and put a monitor on bubs head... not sure what time it was but Grant parents turned up,my dad and Gaye,mum and peter all ended up in my room with me.. all chatting and what not while i had my contractions. I loved my bed i would just wrap myself around it if i was having one. Contractions were horrible like nothing i had ever felt! And what made it worse i felt more through my hips. I think about mid day was when i got and epidural,but they had to give me a shot of pethadine to tide me over the needle guy was gunna be a while. Through all of this the more time that went on the more scared i got.The epiman finally got there and i was ok,the pain would go away... he did it no problems with it he took the needle out just as i was about to have a contraction,shall i add Grant saw the needle and walked outside left me all alone to have a giant needle in my spine!!.At this stage mum had kicked everyone out and it was just me and Grant... He was talking to me keeping me distracted i didn't even know i was having HUGE contractions... after a bit i was watching his face and asked what was going on.. and he told me the epi was working cause i wasn't feeling anything. I just relaxed into the bed i felt wonderful i could just lay there and not move not cry nothing.... After that things got very hazy,i do remember people being in and out of the room,being checked by nurses and what not. I was woken up completely saying that it was almost time to push i was 10cm dilated. My number 5 nurse was finished with her shift and told me she was going to stick around i told her to go home(thank god i did) i then got number 6 & 7 and a lot of nurses and dr's joined me in the room... my mum and Grant were in there everyone else was outside. they started getting stuff ready around me and turned my epi drip down. This was it i was petrified!!! I wanted to get up and walk out of the room even though i couldn't feel my legs. They got me to sit up and hold my legs(i am sorry but it was just not possible for me to hold both my legs and freaking push this baby out) I ended up with Michael(a nurse) and Grant holding my legs..... i had mum next to me shoving ice into my mouth as i hadn't eaten or drunken anything for over 24 hours!! It was hard i had no idea what i was doing.. i had going through my mind this is meant to me natural... my freaking ass it is!! So i was pushing and i noticed the dr had a weird look on his face. He started talking to me and Grant and told us that the baby wouldn't be breathing and not to freak out... that he is stuck and he is going to have to try the vacuum and the forceps to get him out. Honestly it felt like a life time but also felt like only a few minutes this all happened in, the dr even tried using his hands to pull him out the guy was shaking he was trying to hard he wasn't budging!!It was now up to me to get this baby out whether i liked it or not. I was so over it by this time but i kept pushing when i would get a contraction(still very erratic)also had mum telling the dr to give me a c-section but that wasn't going to happen his head was there just stuck cause he was facing upwards eventually i pushed hard enough to get the little bugger out,about half way through they turned my epi back up so i was lucky enough not to feel anything painful when i had Jack..... i was so exhausted i just collapsed they said he was out....I just layed there wanting to sleep and then i heard the baby cry... going through my head was"yep he is ok i can sleep now" they brought the baby over and told us it was a boy and put him down so i could see... Grant started saying we have pout little Jack,honestly i didn't care about see him i wanted to be left alone!They took Jack away and Grant went with as did mum... i still had to pass the after birth(i know ewww gross) and of course that was an issue i almost had to go in for a c-section to get it removed but they gave me a shot of something and it passed.They cleaned me up and changed sheets and what not and then let my family in.... i saw everyone they all said congrats and then was kicked out... THANK GOD!!!! The lovely Michael told me i could sleep now so i did!!! Felt like i slept for days was only a few hours.I got to get up and have a shower i just sat on the chair for an hour letting the water wash over me... it was the most peaceful i had felt in days,i didn't have to talk to anyone or worry about anything.
After my shower i was taken down to see Jack,i didn't want to but i didn't want to say that to him so i just went with it. We got down to the nic unit(which i had no idea he was down there) he wheeled me in and i was this little ugly baby with a cranky look on his face...i looked at him and thought ok it's a baby. I kinda looked around and one of the nurses came over and told me he had just come out of an incubater i wasn't that fusses kinda pretended to care until they took me to a bed so i could sleep. I got upstairs and just slept,i woke up at about 8 when breakfast was served i felt ok for a second then i woke up totally and then OMG the freaking pain.I ate a little bit of the breakfast and then Grant and mum turned up i was so happy to see them i wasn't alone in this stupid hospital(i don't do well in hospitals) Mum had brought up a few things for me and asked if i had seen the baby... i hadn't cause i hadn't been awake for long. I had a million visitors through the day was nice not being left alone. I think i went down twice the first day as i needed to get up and walk around get my legs moving and make sure the stitches were ok. It was so painful to walk but i just kept going. I think the worst thing about the first day was i finally saw my face..... i cried so much because i had to push so hard i burst all the blood vessels in my eyes and most in my cheeks i was mortifies that that baby had made me do this to myself. It was so bad my best friend asked me where I was lol. The next few days was hard all i wanted to do was go home but because i jack i had to stay plus they wanted to make sure i recovered ok.I barely saw jack if i really didn't have to i was kinda grateful he was down in the nic unit but sick of people complaining that i didn't have him in the room with me. I remember one night as visiting hours were ending they needed to put a new canula into Jacks arm i had to hold him! I have never heard a baby scream/cry like that still to this day. I just sat there and let them do what they needed to do....Day 4 came around and he was finally allowed to come into my room. OMFG he didn't sleep at all that night and the lady enxt to me was getting the shits,well hunny your baby cried every night all night since i got up there! I just walked around the wing with him in the crib or in my arms just rocking him,i just wanted to cry and run away. I couldn't do this!
Day 5 came around and the let me go home!!!! I was so freaking happy i get to go home,but i didn't want to bring this tiny baby home i wanted him to stay there.
I had never felt so disconnected from someone before but when he was still in the womb i couldn't wait to hold him in my arms. I felt like the worst person in the world, i really just didn't want him anymore. I didn't want to be a mother i just wanted to be me again! But we had to take him home but when we did i barely did anything,i made Grant do it all....
Ok gunna lave it there for tonight more tomorrow night xoxo
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