I left my last blog just was i got home from hospital....
Being at home was nice but hard,Grant had taken a whole month off to spend time with me and Jack, i would get up for feeds and what not but if he was awake and someone wasn't holding him i would just put him in the rocker on our bed. I tried breastfeeding once my milk came in but he just didn't want it it was too much effort so that added to what i was already feeling.I expressed for the first 6 weeks just so he was getting the milk he should have been getting but was also having formula. I slept when i could as i wasn't sleep much even when i wasn't doing the early morning feeds.I would just lay there and think to myself what have i done why cant i just make this work and maybe i should talk to Grant about giving him up for adoption but how was i going to say that i would be the worst person on this earth,so i kept my mouth shut and put on a happy face.
Things got really real when Grant had to go back to work it was just me and Jack.... i just started goring through the motions,feed him,put him in the rocker then nap time and all those other baby type thing you do. I would look at him and just think he is cute but i don't see it..... He was almost 3 months and one day i was on the computer he was in the rocker just laying and babbling when i looked over at him,poked him and said hi....He smiled at me i was so shocked i didn't know what to think. So i did it again and he smiled again and this time i smiled back. I just kept talking to him and he just kept smiling,all of a sudden i had this rush of emotions he was my son. I picked him up just for the hell of it and he let out this little giggle and a huge smile. I finally felt what i should have been feeling the moment he was born.After some more time i would pick him up more and even have cuddles this feeling was like nothing i had ever experienced i LOVED it... i LOVED him! I started to feel so much happier about being a mum and us being a family. Around this time is when the 3 of us moved out of mums and into our own place it was getting cramped for poor mum.
It felt wonderful setting up our house and fixing up Jack's room,things were good we were all happy and healthy finally. Jack to have a few ultra sounds on body parts when he was new born to make sure some stuff was ok.His eyes were still bad but nothing happened for a while. I had finally started forming a bond with Jack and i loved every minute of it,i hated when he had to sleep,i would sometimes go and watch him from the door way.Hell we would even have naps together before "Daddy" got home. He was my little man and i was so in love. He started rolling and playing and doing so many amazing things i loved watching him learn everything.He took a while to crawl but he eventually did. I used to love (well kinda) watching Jack play around in his cot when he should of been sleeping he would push his head against the bars and smile and laugh and yell out for me and Grant was so cute. His smile made my whole world light up every time even when being naughty(it still does now). Things got rocky with me and Grant and jack started to change a little he got more sooky and harder to get to sleep, he was turning into a different baby after everything i did to make it work i knew it was time to go for mine and Jack's sake.
So we moved into mums for a little while and we were sharing a room,it was tough on both of us we didn't sleep much it was just too much for both.We only stayed at mums for 2-3 months and then Ez,Jack and I all moved out.Was a crappy house but who i was living with couldn't of been better. We all had some adjusting to do seeing as it was all new and what not,but mine and jack's bond got stronger and did Ez's and Jack's. We all started getting into the flow of it all and Jack was walking.. hell running only walked for about a day,and getting into everything he was such a cheeky little baby monkey.About 6 months old jack got his first pair of glasses... they were these cute little chuppa chup ones he didn't like them at fist but couldn't get them off so he adjusted and quickly. Was really scarey being told that my 6month old baby needed glasses and maybe down the track eye surgery. Also i was being told by my gp every visit that Jack was under weight and there was something wrong.. all the dr talked to me like i was an idiot cause i was so young but trust me he ate and he ate a LOT!!! i would ask the pediatrician about his weight and he said yes he is underweight but not to worry too much just keep an eye on it. Still i was being made to feel crap and i wasn't feeding my baby enough.So it was rocky for a while with all this going on and Jack not seeing his "dad" for a few months.We got through though and i had great support for my sister and bestie Ezz and all my friends really they were all wonderful. It his his 1st birthday and i wanted to cry my baby was 1 not so much a baby anymore. I must admit i did cry the night of his birthday but i was so proud to see the little man he was growing into. A few people in my life kept telling me there was something wrong with him as he wasn't speaking much but i didn't worry,i knew he would talk on his own time which he did. Just after Christmas that year Jack was moved into a big bed as he kept climbing/falling out of the cot he loved having a big bed although after a while he would end up falling asleep behind the door cause he was too short to reach the door handle LMAO!!!
The year after that we moved to a MUCH nicer place up the road from mums we loved it there Jack would go play outside in our little backyard and it just felt more like home. Jack's room was all set up he loved it had his toys and his bed he was a happy little monkey and every morning he would go into Ez's room and wake her up, it was nice being there. Jack was the happiest little boy even with not seeing his dad for months on end he seemed to deal with it just fine he had me and everyone else that loved him so very much. Before i knew it we were celebrating his 2nd birthday and was that a party.. everything had to be Nemo as he has just started watching Tv and loved the movie. I had a great day was even given a camera by Ez,Ezz,Tez and Jake so i could finally take pics of my little man i felt so lucky to have these people in my life!!! Jack was still so tiny at this stage i liked my little mini man tiny hehehe just like his mummy.We stayed at that house for a while but the following year me and Ez went our separate ways so her and Sprongll could start their lives together.
I was excited but scared to be doing this just me and Jack. We settled in pretty quick just the 2 of us we started bonding even more getting to know each other on our own,we worked he had a huge room to play in.I thought seeing as he was turning 3 soon we would start potty training it was bumpy at first started to get the hang of it(this is around the time Grant came into our lives again and then went again) but then after "dad" disappeared he just wouldn't do it. I was getting lectures off many people about how he should be potty trained by now and i felt like crap because of it.But towards Christmas we started again and he slowly got the hang of it....I was just nervous about having to teach him to stand up and pee but i had ideas i was quite happy to try!!!Once i started at tafe he picked up peeing standing up from the boys at the childcare THANK GOD!!That was a load taken off me. W were doing ok with 2 of us... fair enough i had my adult problems but me and him were good... he was the reason i got up every morning the person i could always rely on.... my reason for being!!
Ok gunna leave it there i am buggered and need to do some more cleaning....
Byeee xoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment